By Nyasha Ngara
The way we talk to our children becomes their inner voice.
Peggy O’Mara
If there’s something all parents can agree on, it’s wanting to see your child succeed and live a long, healthy life. However, life comes with challenges and there lies a delicate balance between parental well-being and the mental health of their children. The role of parenting emerges as a profound force shaping not only the dynamics within households but also the mental well-being of both parents and children. In most African homes, traditions and values are woven into the fabric of daily life, the journey of parenting takes on unique dimensions, presenting both challenges and opportunities for fostering resilient bonds and emotional health. As we step into the complex world of parenting, let us embark on a journey that explores the challenges faced by both parents and children, unraveling the impact of parenting techniques, and illuminating the path toward mindful parenting practices and mutual well-being.
The Silent Struggle of Parents: Balancing Acts and Mental Well-being
Parenthood is a journey marked by joy and responsibility, however the demands of modern life often leave parents grappling with the pressures of providing, nurturing, and being the unwavering support for their children. This can often tip the balance, challenging parents in maintaining their own mental well-being. The toll on mental health is visible as they navigate sleepless nights, career demands, and societal expectations. Consider a mother striving to be everything for everyone, feeling the weight of the world on her shoulders, or a father who is the head and provider of the family and has to make sure his family is taken care of and protected. The importance of recognizing and addressing the mental health challenges faced by parents cannot be overstated. As children we often forget that being a parent brings unique stressors and most parents are suffering from burnout, fatigue, feelings of being overwhelmed and a sense of detachment. According to two surveys conducted by Weissbourd, a family psychologist at Harvard, 20 percent of mothers suffer from anxiety and 15 percent of fathers do and 16 percent of mothers and 10 percent of fathers have been reported to have suffered from depression. So amid the chaos of parenting, prioritizing parental mental health is not a luxury but a necessity.
On the other side of the coin lies the role parents play in their children’s mental health. In this fast paced world, children already face a unique set of challenges – from academic pressures to the omnipresence of digital devices, children are navigating a landscape vastly different from previous generations. The strain of these challenges can manifest in various ways, impacting their mental health and emotional resilience. However, the way in which parents engage with their children, handle conflict and punishment, and encourage their children in life all play a pivotal role in children’s mental health long-term. The parenting techniques employed play a crucial role in shaping the mental health of children. Authoritarian, permissive, or authoritative – each approach leaves its imprint on a child’s psyche. Striking the right balance between discipline and warmth, guidance and independence, is an art that requires mindfulness and adaptability.
In general, parents who play an authoritative yet nurturing and communicative role often see the best success with their children. These are parents who encourage structure and moderation in their child’s lives, provide guidance and constructive feedback when needed, but also encourage their children to share their feelings, express emotions, and ask questions. This parenting approach can help children develop a sense of happiness, self-esteem, independence, cooperation, and respect. Parents who take on a fully authoritarian style of parenting, however, may see a negative impact on their child’s mental well-being. Studies show that harsh punishments, including spanking, can trigger aggressiveness, anti-social behaviors, deprand low self-esteem, among other mental health issues. These children may have trouble addressing their emotions, and might assume their needs are not important. Authoritarian parents have high demandingness or control, but they lack responsiveness or acceptance. Parents often fail to understand the emotional needs of their children. There are preset rules and regulations that the children are expected to follow. Studies show most African parents lean towards this type of parenting style. The majority of you can probably all agree that you were spanked a few times as a youngster as a form of discipline. Does that imply that people who grew up with this kind of parenting are violent, have low self-esteem, or suffer from other undiagnosed mental health conditions? Are we prepared to have this conversation?
Mindful Parenting: What is the way forward?
Parenting varies from generation to generation. So, finding a balance between warmth, support and appropriate boundaries is essential for promoting children’s mental health. In the realm of parenting practices, the concept of mindful parenting has emerged as a beacon of enlightenment. Mindful parenting is the effort to bring awareness, attention, and curiosity to your interactions with your children. It involves listening, reflecting, and choosing to respond in a way that uplifts both parent and child. When you practice mindful parenting, you slow yourself down as a parent so that you’re less reactive with your children. This also helps you regain a sense of calm and control. It helps you as a parent maintain perspective and feel less overwhelmed. And it frees up space for you to gently process negative emotions and begin to appreciate small, everyday blessings.
To say that parenting isn’t easy is an understatement. Parenting is, at best, challenging. At worst, it can be intensely triggering. Becoming a parent is a major change in a person’s life. Rather than submit to constant stress, parents are encouraged to take control of the only thing within their grasp – the present moment. Choosing to let go of anxiety and focus on what’s happening right now has some powerful benefits:
- Reduces anger, stress, and anxiety
- Helps to deactivate the fight-or-flight response
- Makes you feel calmer and more in control of your own emotions
- Takes less emotional energy
- Helps you connect with your children
- Develops self-regulation and emotional flexibility
- Models positive coping mechanisms for children
- Builds self-trust and trust in the parent-child relationship
- Encourages positive and loving interactions
Mindfulness doesn’t mean that you let your kids do whatever they want. It means that you set clear expectations and boundaries that they understand. We often hold our children to high standards and children often make mistakes but it’s important as a parent to give yourself the same grace. This simple act of mindfulness can forge a deep bond and contribute to a child’s sense of security and emotional well-being.
Recognizing that the mental health of parents is intrinsically linked to that of their children, self-care becomes a vital component of effective parenting. It’s not about perfection but about acknowledging one’s own needs and taking intentional steps towards balance.
Parenting is a profound act of love, a journey laden with joys, sacrifices, and the echoes of shared dreams. Yet, it’s essential to acknowledge the weight that parents carry on their shoulders – the sleepless nights, the silent worries, and the constant striving to provide a haven in a sometimes chaotic world. At the same time, let us extend our compassion to the resilient spirits of our children. In their journey toward self-discovery, they grapple with uncertainties, societal expectations, and the delicate dance of forging their identity.The conversations we need to have are not only just about parenting techniques and mental health strategies; they are about acknowledging the shared humanity that binds us all. It’s about normalizing vulnerability, dismantling the stigma that surrounds mental health, and fostering a culture where seeking help is not a sign of weakness but an act of courage. Kindness, the gentle force that binds us together, must be the cornerstone of our interactions – with both parents and children.As we move forward, may we hold each other’s hands with tenderness and grace, walking side by side on the journey of healing and growth. For in the heart of every parent and child beats the universal longing for acceptance, understanding, and unconditional love. And it is in honoring this longing that we truly nurture minds and hearts, fostering a future where compassion reigns supreme.
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